I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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