My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
