Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
