It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
