no you cant smoke seaweed
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
