take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
