So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
