I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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