Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So apparently I’m into choking now
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