i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
