It's just like the Real World with babies
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
