Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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