I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do plants get herpes?
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