pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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