I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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