This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
