some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
