Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
