I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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