Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So much Jack, so little girl.
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