based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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