I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
