I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
