her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
