Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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