I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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