3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
