Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
