help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
