i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
