She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
