Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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