I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
