I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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