thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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