So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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