my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
