im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
