youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
