3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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