Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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