"it" just moved
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
