I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
