My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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