I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
