woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
