I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
