Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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