The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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