a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I believe in your delicious
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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