Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
