hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
