dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
