I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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