have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
