The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You did what with his pubic hair?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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