Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do vagina's smell?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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