yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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