escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
