I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
