The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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