ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize