so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
