Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
did you just send me my own nude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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