I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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