Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
