Already got asked if we're dating
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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