I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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