Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
