I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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