Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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