i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
